african american

Loss and Sadness

It is a struggle to work and regulate your own mental health. I’ve lost three loved ones within the span of a year and feel very displaced.

This displacement is more than grief. I am lost. But, I can’t blame it all on the pandemic. When Ruby died in 2013, I lost a significant part of myself-of my identity. I am no longer the daughter of a schizophrenic/depressed mother. 

I no longer have to run and put out the fires that she started.

The recent losses have left me in limbo.

It shows in my affect, my apathy, and overall sadness.

Counseling cannot bring me out of this miasme.

Nevertheless, I have to work for the roof over my head and other necessities.

I don’t have time to sit with myself and feel my feelings.

In U.S. culture, these deaths were months ago; I should be done with sadness.

I’m not on schedule.

I have a job with duties that have drastically changed and struggle to balance on my unsteady platform.

I don’t have time to process.

There’s no room for protest.

and…

I don’t have time to sit with myself and feel my feelings. 

Checking in After a Hiatus.

I know that I should be discussing the mental health issues that the pandemic has either led to new diagnosis or worsened the mental health of many of us. 

On top of the pandemic, those of us living in the U.S. have witnessed the growth of racism, xenophobia and/or have had personal encounters with it.

If you are a person of color (POC) and in therapy, the social and political strife compounds your own feelings of safety for you and your loved ones.

One of the most difficult challenges as a consumer i.e. patient is if you have a therapist who cannot empathize or understand your perspective. Thankfully, I don’t have a therapist who supported #45, but what if I did?

There are other therapists who may be POC but who identify with mainstream culture and cannot connect to your lived and historical experiences as someone from the African American community. 

They may genuinely not understand the microaggressions that impact your mental health at work or in public spaces. 

I can only hope that there are therapists out there who have enough integrity to speak their truth and decline us as clients because of our race and/or ethnicity.

I can only hope that therapists whose beliefs and practices in their personal lives don’t do more harm to us when we sit in their offices or go to the clinic.

There are African American therapists but they are indeed a rarity. And, if your insurance is taken by their practice or if they’re working in a community clinic setting, and the “vibe” is right, go for it. 

But truth be told, if I waited until all the stars and planets aligned, I’d be a barely functional adult stuck in the mess of my past and unable to untangle myself from it.

When an Almost Tragedy Strikes Due to Mental Illness

I do not want to post another report of the incident in Florida involving Ebony Wilkerson who drove from South Carolina to Daytona, Florida with three children in tow to drown them all by driving her van into the ocean. But, I do have to comment on this case because it requires something from us that is most difficult; compassion. Compassion for Wilkerson’s children and most of all, for Ebony herself. I do not personally know any of the people involved; however, I do not believe that under normal circumstances that Ebony would have made this decision to end her and her children’s lives. She was in both a spiritual and emotional crisis.

Ebony’s family were very concerned about the state of her mind and called police for assistance prior to the incident. Law enforcement responded and found her sound enough to allow Ebony to proceed to what they thought would be a women’s shelter because of the tumultuous relationship she had with her estranged husband.

Each day something new is revealed about this story but so far, it seems that everyone did all that they could. In most states in the U.S. it is very difficult to have someone committed to a psychiatric ward unless they pose an immediate danger to themselves or others. Obviously, Ebony Wilkerson was both but there was insufficient evidence to proceed in having her committed.  This is one of the frustrating factors for people whose family members are mentally ill until it is too late. The burden of proving that your loved one is mentally ill rest on your assessment which is often not valid enough, until after a mental health professional has made an official diagnoses. Whenever I hear about these situations, I wonder; “What could the family have done to prevent this?”

Now Ebony Wilkerson will become a part of the largest statistics to date; African American and incarcerated (Munetz et al, 2001). She will face charges relating to trying to commit an act of murder-suicide. If convicted, she will spend time in prison and “maybe” she will receive the help she needs.  There are folks out there who say, “She needs to go to prison! She should’ve ended her own life and left her children out of it!” However, I have found that these same critics would have dissuaded her or have dissuaded their own mentally ill family members because, “Black folks is always stressed-you don’t need to be seeing no psychiatrists!” Again, Ebony’s family followed the right course of action which shows that there are no guarantees even in an idea situation. In Ebony’s case, it was good Samaritans that rescued them all.

Munetz, M.R., Grande, T. P., Chambers, M. R. (2001).  The incarceration of individuals with severe mental disorders.

Community Health Journal,  37(4), 361-372.