mental health

Loss and Sadness

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It is a struggle to work and regulate your own mental health. I’ve lost three loved ones within the span of a year and feel very displaced.

This displacement is more than grief. I am lost. But, I can’t blame it all on the pandemic. When Ruby died in 2013, I lost a significant part of myself-of my identity. I am no longer the daughter of a schizophrenic/depressed mother. 

I no longer have to run and put out the fires that she started.

The recent losses have left me in limbo.

It shows in my affect, my apathy, and overall sadness.

Counseling cannot bring me out of this miasme.

Nevertheless, I have to work for the roof over my head and other necessities.

I don’t have time to sit with myself and feel my feelings.

In U.S. culture, these deaths were months ago; I should be done with sadness.

I’m not on schedule.

I have a job with duties that have drastically changed and struggle to balance on my unsteady platform.

I don’t have time to process.

There’s no room for protest.

and…

I don’t have time to sit with myself and feel my feelings. 

Checking in After a Hiatus.

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I know that I should be discussing the mental health issues that the pandemic has either led to new diagnosis or worsened the mental health of many of us. 

On top of the pandemic, those of us living in the U.S. have witnessed the growth of racism, xenophobia and/or have had personal encounters with it.

If you are a person of color (POC) and in therapy, the social and political strife compounds your own feelings of safety for you and your loved ones.

One of the most difficult challenges as a consumer i.e. patient is if you have a therapist who cannot empathize or understand your perspective. Thankfully, I don’t have a therapist who supported #45, but what if I did?

There are other therapists who may be POC but who identify with mainstream culture and cannot connect to your lived and historical experiences as someone from the African American community. 

They may genuinely not understand the microaggressions that impact your mental health at work or in public spaces. 

I can only hope that there are therapists out there who have enough integrity to speak their truth and decline us as clients because of our race and/or ethnicity.

I can only hope that therapists whose beliefs and practices in their personal lives don’t do more harm to us when we sit in their offices or go to the clinic.

There are African American therapists but they are indeed a rarity. And, if your insurance is taken by their practice or if they’re working in a community clinic setting, and the “vibe” is right, go for it. 

But truth be told, if I waited until all the stars and planets aligned, I’d be a barely functional adult stuck in the mess of my past and unable to untangle myself from it.

Soul History – The Short Version

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In times when people feel troubled, most turn to their families or to their church. This was probably true of most Americans across the board especially before families migrated from a rural environment to the cities in search of work. Still, those who migrated to the cities remained within a community that shared a common culture. One example of this can be seen from the film Lakawana Blues where the main character, Rachel ‘Nanny’ Crosby’s boarding house was central to seeking safety and solace within the African American community prior to integration. Many African Americans do not see the utility of mental health and therefore dismiss it as another means for “white people to get paid.” As a result of this attitude, psychologist or other mental health care professionals are not only an aberration within the context of community, they are also unwelcomed and viewed with suspicion. What is the origin of this suspicion?

Prior to the beginning of psychology in the U.S., enslaved Africans who attempted escape were diagnosed with Drapetomania. Dr. Samuel A. Cartwright, a general medical practitioner suggested treatment for slaves who refused to accept their fate should  be to  have the devil whipped out of them as a “preventive measure” and treatment.  Cartwright also believed that enslaved Africans who were treated humanely became too familiar with their masters and as a result, expected some level of equality. Although liberty and justice may be a part of the American Constitution, these same ideas when conceived by African Americans would take on other connotations equating black anger with madness.

 Scholar Jonathan M. Metzl’s book, The Protest Psychosis:How Schizophrenia Became a Black Disease describes a period during the Civil Rights era where African American men who participated in the civil rights protests were forcibly hospitalized at Ionia State Hospital in Michigan. Their anger and participation in sit-ins, protests and other forms of civil disobedience classified them as criminally insane. All of these “patients” were diagnosed with schizophrenia.

The history above is not the only reason why African Americans are reluctant to seek help and while most people do not know about this history, the implicit messages have been passed down from one generation to the next: Do not trust doctors especially psychiatrist and psychologist.

In Need of Help

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I was asked this weekend, how do you get your loved one help when it is apparent that they are not mentally healthy? This is one of the most difficult topics to cover in mental health because in many states you cannot have a loved one committed unless a.) s/he is a danger to himself; b.) is a danger to others; c.) both a and b.

In the case of Ruby’s first time in a mental health hospital, it was her sister that helped to get her admitted. My mother had taken off with me to St. Louis and at that time we had relatives there. They called my aunt in Arkansas and said, “Something’s not right with Ruby.” She brought my mother and I back to her home and it was there that she was diagnosed. I cannot tell if my mother fought vigorously against being hospitalized or not but that is when she first received help.

One of the hardest tasks to accomplish is getting a loved one help; especially if they are in the 50+ age range and have certain beliefs about doctors in general. I grew up watching people surgically remove their own corns using a razor and rubbing alcohol. This was the norm. Now, when I reflect on those times, I want to scream, “You have medical insurance! Go see a damm doctor ‘fore you kill yourself!!”

Before I go further, I will remind my readers that I do not work in the field of mental health (MH). Nevertheless, my experience in the mental health field is connected to my mother’s diagnoses and dealing with the ins and outs of the MH system.

So to respond to my friend’s question above, I would say try to get that loved one to a medical doctor if they are not in immediate danger. Also, tell the doctor about what has been happening in your home. There are physical health conditions that can manifest in the form of marked changes in behavior to where the person is deteriorating mentally.

Also, seek outside support. One of the major tools that helped me get better care for Ruby and for myself was the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). This organization is located in many cities and states. I listened to other people who were having a similar experience with their loved ones and I learned how to effectively interact with my mother when she was symptomatic. One suggestion I will make is, DO NOT ARGUE WITH YOUR LOVED ONE when s/he is symptomatic. Mental illness turns any logical argument or response to your loved one’s accusations into a never ending cycle. During these periods, Ruby accused me of being in collusion with (everyone) and to her, I was everything but a child of God, let alone her daughter.