I was asked this weekend, how do you get your loved one help when it is apparent that they are not mentally healthy? This is one of the most difficult topics to cover in mental health because in many states you cannot have a loved one committed unless a.) s/he is a danger to himself; b.) is a danger to others; c.) both a and b.

In the case of Ruby’s first time in a mental health hospital, it was her sister that helped to get her admitted. My mother had taken off with me to St. Louis and at that time we had relatives there. They called my aunt in Arkansas and said, “Something’s not right with Ruby.” She brought my mother and I back to her home and it was there that she was diagnosed. I cannot tell if my mother fought vigorously against being hospitalized or not but that is when she first received help.

One of the hardest tasks to accomplish is getting a loved one help; especially if they are in the 50+ age range and have certain beliefs about doctors in general. I grew up watching people surgically remove their own corns using a razor and rubbing alcohol. This was the norm. Now, when I reflect on those times, I want to scream, “You have medical insurance! Go see a damm doctor ‘fore you kill yourself!!”

Before I go further, I will remind my readers that I do not work in the field of mental health (MH). Nevertheless, my experience in the mental health field is connected to my mother’s diagnoses and dealing with the ins and outs of the MH system.

So to respond to my friend’s question above, I would say try to get that loved one to a medical doctor if they are not in immediate danger. Also, tell the doctor about what has been happening in your home. There are physical health conditions that can manifest in the form of marked changes in behavior to where the person is deteriorating mentally.

Also, seek outside support. One of the major tools that helped me get better care for Ruby and for myself was the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). This organization is located in many cities and states. I listened to other people who were having a similar experience with their loved ones and I learned how to effectively interact with my mother when she was symptomatic. One suggestion I will make is, DO NOT ARGUE WITH YOUR LOVED ONE when s/he is symptomatic. Mental illness turns any logical argument or response to your loved one’s accusations into a never ending cycle. During these periods, Ruby accused me of being in collusion with (everyone) and to her, I was everything but a child of God, let alone her daughter.