I was asked recently how could I sympathize with someone like Ebony Wilkerson ? She didn’t have to take her children with her into the ocean and could  have just taken her own life. I shrugged in response because in the face of the overwhelming universal truth that most of us believe, “Mothers are supposed to protect their children-not hurt them” we truly become the persecutors of anyone who doesn’t uphold motherhood ideally.

In truth I definitely feel two ways about it because of my own experiences with my mother while at the same time acknowledging that an injustice has been done to the children and that Ebony needs compassion.

I may have written this previously but I will rewrite it. One of the final straws that led to Ruby (our mother) being diagnosed was that my younger brothers and I were woefully neglected-unfed and dirty. We were one infant and toddlers with no control over our circumstances. Not even my eldest brother who was approximately 11 at the time knew what to do. Her actions were not done as a punishment to us or to herself. When your loved one loses their mind, they truly do not know that they have lost it. That is what makes convincing them to go to get help difficult and to remain on their medications a constant battle.

Now that Ebony is in custody, she may be offered the help she needs. She also has a choice not to accept help for her psychiatric issues and in most cases she has that option. I believe that individuals who commit a crime of this nature should serve time because it may be the only way for them to acknowledge that they need help and that without it, worse could happen again. Incarceration of the mentally ill who have committed a violent crime should include mandatory medication and ongoing counseling otherwise, it does no one justice to sentence the insane because it is hard to be accountable for your actions if you’re not all there.

The children will have the most difficult road to recovery and will have their own issues to deal with. Hopefully, they are also receiving counseling. I hope that the family does not denigrate Ebony in front of her children because living with hatred of one’s mother is harder on the children than it is on the person being hated. One day, I hope that they are able to understand-they may never forgive or reconcile with her but forgiveness does not necessarily mean reunification. It is coming to a place in one’s life where you accept the past with its ugliness and flaws and choose how to continue on.